10 Thoughts I had while watching Passengers

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I present to you something I wrote a few months ago when this movie came out:

10 Thoughts I had while watching Passengers

with Chris Pratt & Jennifer Lawrence

*warning: contains huge spoilers – only recommended for those who have watched the movie already or have no intention of watching it

  1. This would make an excellent horror movie, like Alien but with no aliens. He wakes her up and turns out to be a psycho stalker murderer/rapist and she has to kill him to survive. Or he wakes her up and she’s gay and never wants to have sex with him. Like, at least he’d have someone to talk to, but would audiences accept that? NOPE!
  2. Why would a message take nineteen years to reach earth, and why would it cost over $6,000? A+ for the commentary on customer service.
  3. For glob’s sake. Of course he fell in love with what is essentially an inanimate object while she’s in hyper-sleep. At least the writers had the decency to make her a writer so that later down the track he could actually learn something of what’s in her mind and soul and it’s not completely Snow White/Sleeping Beauty physical attraction to a pretty and inert object. BUT that doesn’t change the fact that he fell in love with her while she was ASLEEP. It’s still sexual objectification and you can’t get away from that. I really want to like this movie but they’re making it so difficult!
  4. Is 5,000 + 268 crew members enough genetic diversity to populate a whole planet?
  5. The second JLaw wakes up: Omg, she’s going to have fancy-ass outfits, perfect make-up and wear high heels even though they’re in space. Also, her roots aren’t going to grow out at all even though they’re supposed to be on this ship for a loooooong time.
  6. Chris Pratt is especially respectful of her space for someone who deliberately woke her up to have some company.
  7. There’s no way his space suit would have lasted in that jet-engine heat. At the end of the movie: Confirmed.
  8. Geez. To make a relationship work when you’re the only two people there you’d need some serious me-time boundaries. Like ‘Honey, I love you, and I have no choice but to spend the rest of my life with you. But for reals, I need to not see you for like a week or I’m gonna start sleeping with Arthur the bar-droid.’
  9. How did they get a tree to continue growing INSIDE A SPACESHIP for 88 years? Where did the roots go? Did it not affect the numerous cables and chips and other electronics under the floor??
  10. By the time they reach Homestead II the animals in hyper-sleep would probably be extinct on earth.

Overall: Worth it for the concept and the sci-fi-ness of it, but the human part – characters, themes, arcs – are full to the brim of a misogyny and rape culture that has no place in the future, imagined or otherwise. Or any time for that matter. Wanted to like it but ethically couldn’t = such a shame.

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